Hello World

So it's taking me too much time to think up a rant. So instead of a specific target tonight, I have a few things on my mind.

1) Pregnancy hormones suck sometimes. If you get pregnant with a person, and they are next to you every day, at home waiting for you, sometimes, you will have to take it out on them. So stop taking it out people who are your friends instead. Don't tell your significant other you won't be mean to him, and instead spend it all on your friends.

2) I am keeping up on house work. A lot better then I used to. So does that by slacking in one department it means to freak out about it? I'm sorry, but at this age, I see no point in keeping up on toy clean up. He pulls out all 800 of them every day. So if I leave some out, deal with it. Or clean it yourself. Stop expecting me to do it. I have a hundred other things to do. I'm tired.

3) I do not randomly decide to go into grocery stores, wearing the uniform, and stock shelves. Yes, I work there. Please, stop asking.

I need to start making a list of topics to discuss on here.

Chris and I are planning on making baby two, so I've been preoccupied. I'll have an idea, and then completely forget it, because I get so distracted by everything.

I'll try and work on it. As annoying as I am, lol.

They're my kids, not yours.

There's that whole "crunchy" vs "silky" parent thing going on, right?

Well... I'm tired of it. There's too much competition out there now. We are all PARENTS. That is it. We are all trying to achieve ONE goal: to get our children out into the real world in one piece. To raise them to be productive, happy, and as normal as can be people.

I'm sure a lot of moms would have a massive heart attack that my 13 month old son had an oreo tonight. Well, half of one. I of course had to eat the other half because it was an oreo.

But besides all of that, we need to respect how people raise their children. You have zero rights to that child next to you. Yes, obviously if the parent is doing something horrible I hope you grab that child and try to make a break for it while using that fancy phone to call the cops instead of ignoring it and just doing a tweet or facebook status about the horrible thing the parent is doing.

Online baby groups for example: you rage and yell at someone at how horrible they are when they make a post about doing something... but what are the chances that you would say it to the person directly? Not a lot would.

So tonight I fed Luke an oreo after he refused item after item of food that he normally loves to eat because he has both his upper molars coming in and he barely napped. So I caved to get him to be quiet for 30 seconds while I beat my head through a wall. Then he was also happy for the following 5 minutes and not screaming. It. Was. Amazing.

You fed your child organically grown grass and goat milk. Or something equally gross. I'm not going to give you that look and be all "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

But I'm sure you'd love to give me a lecture on how horrible I am and how my child is going to grow up to be obese and diabetic or something.

I'm tired and cranky. I'm going to go eat my pizza, and find a good book to read in bed.

Daycare and their costs

So there is a repeating sentence going through my mommy groups: "Well, if you can't afford daycare the obvious choice is to get a second job to cover the costs"

This is costs from a daycare in my area (and I'm only putting in the weekly rates, not the daily ones):

Infants/Toddlers: $267.50
Two: $227.50
Two 1/2: $215.00
Three and Up: $200.00

Kindergarten (M.F. 4k Program)
Before or After 1/2 Day: $155.00
Before & After 1/2 Day: $175.00

School Age (full day)
Before or After: $41.25
Before and After: $82.50

Now here's why this statement of "getting another job to provide daycare" bugs me. Especially as a full time working mom, and my husband works full time, we CANNOT afford daycare. We are lucky my sister in law is a stay at home mom, and for the first year, babysat for free 3 days a week. And now we pay $30 a week. That's $237.50 LESS then what we would be paying at this place!

So... I work 38 hours a week. Give or take a few either way. I get paid, and I will say it, $14.19 an hour (starting this week! before that it was $13.91). I get a paycheck every Friday. They are all roughly $400. My husband makes, like, $10 an hour. I think $9.80ish. He works 38-40 hours a week. He gets paid every other Thursday. His checks are roughly $700.

 So in a month we bring home around $3000. We would have to pay $1070 a month in daycare costs. We are also not in a good financial place, because I got stuck with wedding costs (2 1/2 years ago now) that we had to throw last minute on my credit card, and we have lots of other bills on top of all of that. Like my insanely outrageous medical bills from having a baby.

To put it nicely: I have a crap ton of debt. Plus bills. Plus groceries and gas for a SUV with a 20 mile commute each way for work.

Really, we are living paycheck to paycheck. Right now we have about $80 left in our checking account... until Thursday. So we have to skip grocery shopping again tomorrow (2 weeks in a row!) and go on Saturday instead.

So yes, we cannot afford daycare. At all.

So now onto the getting another job thing so, as I was once told when this came up in one of my groups, I should get a second job because I'm mooching off of my relatives for babysitting (they volunteered, by the way). My schedule:

Sunday 9-5
Monday off
Tuesday 7-3
Wednesday 8-4
Thursday 7-1
Friday 7-3
Saturday off

Hubby's schedule: (his changes more then mine but I'm putting down a normal)

Sunday 1-9
Monday off
Tuesday 9-5
Wednesday off
Thursday 9-5
Friday 9-5 week 1, 1-9 week 2
Saturday: 1 to 9

Luke's bedtime is 8pm. Every. Single. Night. This will not change. I believe in structure.

Now, I am usually gone before Luke gets up in the mornings. He usually gets up around 730. So hubby takes him to the sitter, and I pick him up.

Now if I got a second job, and left Luke at the sitter all day long until my hubby picked him up... please tell me this: WHEN WOULD I SEE MY CHILD?

Plus also, here's another fun catch: we work retail. That includes weekends. Daycares are not open on weekends. So I would need to pay for daycare during the week and a sitter on the weekends? No thank you.

Plus, please tell me what little minimum wage part time job is actually going to cover that cost? Plus probable driving. Awesome. More gas costs. Since  14 gallons a week at $4.19 a gallon really isn't enough already.

Also, if I had a second job, and all this debt sitting around me... what part of me wants to basically throw that money away instantly, when I could instead throw it at the DEBT? None. That's what part.

I'm also tired enough dealing with a kid and housework and working one job. I do not have the strength to do a second job. Nothing would get done, and I would let my baby sit on the couch watching who knows what eating crackers while I took a quick nap on the comfy hardwood floor, because at that point it would be amazing. Screw the park, zoo, museum, etc. I'm. Taking. A. Nap.

Now, every time this "line" comes out, it's from a stay at home mom. And we all know where my feelings there lie. Really, I already work two jobs. I don't need a third. I'd probably jump off my balcony in the hopes of a broken leg so I could call in sick.

I realize I've rambled entirely. My day has been hectic. Working, baby that took an hour long nap so is even klutzier then normal and ends up getting a cut by his eye that will probably develop into a full blown black eye, and a fat lip. I felt horrible and gave him a brownie, curled up to watch Lion King in mommy and daddy's big bed, and when he got up off the pillow and came and cuddled on my chest, the world was right.

I hope I got my point across. Basically: getting a second job for babysitting... not a smart idea. Just annoying.

My decision

I've decided that I will be using this as more of a vent/topic station then writing about my life. I mean, let's face it, working and playing with a baby is only so interesting for so long. Like... 2 seconds long. So instead, I will pick a topic, as I did last night... and give my opinions on it.

Tonight is Working in Retail night!

So I can go on and on forever about how the god awful things that exist in a retail job. I work in a grocery store and the things people do can be amazing! Lets make a list shall we?

1) When you go to the bathroom, flush. ESPECIALLY if you had a very disgusting dinner last night. There is nothing I hate more then walking into the bathroom and discovering poop everywhere in the toilet. Do you honestly do that at home?

2) Do not decide you are going to buy the frozen chicken, and then later on in the store change your mind and put it behind the deodorant. That's just disgusting. I'm going to come hide frozen chicken in that cabinet above the stove that you never seem to go in and see how much you like it.

3) Here's the things about the registers: the actual people working in the store have about a .02% power over the amount of hours they can schedule for the entire week. So... my store is open every day 6am until 11pm. The front end (which is the cashiers, liquor cashier if there is one, service desk, CSR (person who has to oversee the front for the day), and baggers) has roughly 60 people. We get about 1500 hours to schedule. That sounds like a lot seeing as we are only open 119 hours a week, right? Well, say half of them are full time. That means a minimum of 35 hours a week has to go to 30 people. That's 1050 hours. So the other 30 people have to be kept under that 450 hours left over. Okay? So a lot of people get only 10-12 hours a week. This all has to be spread out to cover the busy days. We have two days a week that are double coupon days. So obviously it makes sense those days will be covered more then others, since their will be more people shopping. So on a Monday at 1pm, when it is normally dead, and suddenly.. OOPS! SNOW STORM! We get lines coming out our two open registers half way down the aisles. And guess what? NOT EVERYONE IN THE BLOODY STORE KNOWS HOW TO CASHIER! Shocking? I know! How dare they think anything else is as important as making sure you get out 3 minutes faster. Let me tell you... if you didn't keep complaining so much, you probably would have been home by now. Oh, and then on a Saturday afternoon... 3 teenagers "called in sick". And everyone that they called to try and replace those hours are unable to work. What should we do? Hire someone new?!

4) I work in the aisles. In the Health and Beauty department to be exact. So no, while I am stocking lotion, I cannot tell you which bacon has the smokiest flavor. I have no idea what so ever. Ask the guy stocking the damn stuff.

5) I used to work in frozen so I have to say this: Chicken is a meat. So, once again, ask the guy in the MEAT section. Stop arguing with me and telling me it is frozen so therefore it is a frozen item and I know about it.

6) When a person is stocking somewhere, it does not give you the right to come stick your hands in front of their face. Or push their stuff out of the way.

7) You know that rule at a restaurant about not messing with the people who handle your food? Don't you think that would be a wise decision in a grocery store too? We do at least have a produce section.

8) Most people working in a grocery store, and a lot of other retail stores too, are carrying a very sharp box cutter. Remember that the next time you stick your hand in front of a person because you aren't capable of waiting 10 more seconds.

9) We do not know where every little tiny thing is in the store. And we especially do not know where "you know, that flour type thing, but it's not stocked with the flour. It's in a purple box and it looks kind of like rice" is. And do not get huffy when I look at you like you are a retard.

10) Common sense is a gift. And if you have never worked retail, it's highly likely you don't have any. So try and find some.

11) Those of us that do work retail... we are not below you. We are not your bitch. You do not have the right to treat us like that. Or one day... that apple you bite into just may have accidentally fallen into the spilled bleach earlier that day. Oops.

This is how distracted I can get

I end up not posting for awhile, because I get caught up in everything else.

Plus I'm just so tired by the time Ook goes to bed, that all I want to do is sit on the couch and relax.

I want to rant here. Because suddenly it's popping up everywhere again... the whole stay home moms vs working moms.

Let me start off by saying... I have great respect for moms in general. Being a mom is not an easy job.

But I'm starting to hit a stand point where I think stay at home moms have it a little easier then working moms. Why?

For one simple reason:

They get to be home all day. Yes, there are things to do. Places to go.

But working oms have to do all of that AND work 40 hours a week. Well, unless they are part time. That's different. But they still spend some hours out of the house.

So... I work. This part depends on the job too... but I work in a completely physical job. I pull, push, lift, move, haul, etc. I pull 300lb + pallets at a time. I lift things over my head constantly. I am physically exhausted by the time I get home.

And then I have a baby to take care of. A baby to feed, bathe, entertain, and just spend time with. And all I want to do is sit down for 10 minutes and eat, because I don't have the opportunity to take any breaks at work because I run a department all by myself. Literally. There is not a single other person in my department anymore. Because they have cut my hours that bad. And I cannot let things slide. I have deadlines.

A stay at home mom, she has things to do, but if she vacuums the stairs tomorrow instead, she isn't going to get fired. Is she?

So, I come home, and on top of all of the baby stuff, I also have to clean. I have to vacuum, sweep, mop, do dishes, laundry, and general pick up. Whatever else I'm forgetting.

And I'm sure as Luke gets older, I'll have other things. I don't know... soccer, karate. Another baby. By the end of the night, I am tired. I haven't stopped really moving, unless I decide one day that I'm going to forget that there is food dried onto the kitchen floor and sit down during nap time... if I'm home for it.

On my days off, I get more accomplished, and get to relax and even enjoy time with Luke.

A couple weeks ago when I was on vacation for the week, I actually didn't lose my cool with him more then a handful of times. I was ten hundred times less stressed.

I am really tired of hearing that stay home moms have it so much harder because they don't get adult interaction, and they only have kids to talk to, etc etc.

That is a personal choice. Yes, the day is hectic, yes, there is things to do. But you know what? I know that every single stay at home mom in my life (not really including my march moms since I can't say what they do from personal experience) sit down for a couple hours every day, and watch a movie with the kids, or lay down and take a nap during their nap time. It is very possible that a phone call could be made in that time period. Or better yet, there are playgroups EVERYWHERE. They aren't just for kids! Other adults tend to go too.

So I've decided I'm hopping the fence. I think working moms have it harder then stay at home moms. I am not saying stay at home moms sit around doing nothing. They are busy, they have things to do. But you don't have to add on the extra hours out of the house. There is more time to stretch things out, and unless you have some kind of crazy control freak husband, which means GET THE F*CK OUT, you can take your time and let the dishes sit an extra few hours.

I'm beyond stressed from trying to tackle it all. I want to come home and not have a whole other job to do. I don't want my "me" time to be the 10 minutes when I drive to my moms to switch laundry loads.

So now, I'm sure if someone reads this, it may blow up in my face, but I frankly don't care. I needed to vent somewhere.

I will never think stay at home moms do nothing. They are amazing.

But so are working moms, and when they have to come home and do a "stay at home mom job" too, it makes them a little bit stronger, in my honest opinion.

Now I'm going to go shower and sleep so that I can start over again tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!

One year ago I was laying in a hospital bed going "oh my god I can't believe I have a newborn!"

Now I'm sitting here going "Oh my god I can't believe I have a one year old!"

This past year has flown by.

Chris wants another baby. Very much. I do too, of course. But we just can't afford it right now. That makes me sad. I really wish we could start sooner rather then later, but we need to be smart about it and be able to feed another child. We are hoping next summer we'll be able to start.

I'm part of facebook groups that are a bunch of "march" moms. In the past week or so, things have gone down like crazy. Fights, hate, etc. It's just been so very crazy!! I guess putting a bunch of women in one place is just asking for a war eventually.

It's really very untrue that women could rule the world and their would be peace. Because the claws would come out so quickly! Especially if children are involved somehow.

I'm so tired. I have vacation all next week! Just have to work tomorrow, and then I am off 8 whole days! YAY! And I need to use that time to finish my Secret Sister's babies birthday gift. I'm lucky I got one with a late birthday.

Anyway, not much to report right now. My brain is too fuzzy to think.

One day at a time

I only have a few minutes, because I need to go wake up Luke but just a quick update...

I've been so, tired, lately. Exhausted. Depressed.

I'm sure it would do me good to go back to seeing someone, but at the same time, I just don't feel like I can connect to anyone that isn't my old therapist from high school. And of course, she's retired.

But I still have prozac, so I decided to take that again until I'm all out. I think I have about 20 pills. Maybe it will do enough to get me up there.

I want to do Luke's 1 year pictures soon. I was thinking of today, but it's all snowy out and the lighting in here is awful without sunlight.

I should have napped with Luke. Ah well. Too late now, lol. I'll probably go to bed early, day off tomorrow. Woo.