Hello World

So it's taking me too much time to think up a rant. So instead of a specific target tonight, I have a few things on my mind.

1) Pregnancy hormones suck sometimes. If you get pregnant with a person, and they are next to you every day, at home waiting for you, sometimes, you will have to take it out on them. So stop taking it out people who are your friends instead. Don't tell your significant other you won't be mean to him, and instead spend it all on your friends.

2) I am keeping up on house work. A lot better then I used to. So does that by slacking in one department it means to freak out about it? I'm sorry, but at this age, I see no point in keeping up on toy clean up. He pulls out all 800 of them every day. So if I leave some out, deal with it. Or clean it yourself. Stop expecting me to do it. I have a hundred other things to do. I'm tired.

3) I do not randomly decide to go into grocery stores, wearing the uniform, and stock shelves. Yes, I work there. Please, stop asking.

I need to start making a list of topics to discuss on here.

Chris and I are planning on making baby two, so I've been preoccupied. I'll have an idea, and then completely forget it, because I get so distracted by everything.

I'll try and work on it. As annoying as I am, lol.

They're my kids, not yours.

There's that whole "crunchy" vs "silky" parent thing going on, right?

Well... I'm tired of it. There's too much competition out there now. We are all PARENTS. That is it. We are all trying to achieve ONE goal: to get our children out into the real world in one piece. To raise them to be productive, happy, and as normal as can be people.

I'm sure a lot of moms would have a massive heart attack that my 13 month old son had an oreo tonight. Well, half of one. I of course had to eat the other half because it was an oreo.

But besides all of that, we need to respect how people raise their children. You have zero rights to that child next to you. Yes, obviously if the parent is doing something horrible I hope you grab that child and try to make a break for it while using that fancy phone to call the cops instead of ignoring it and just doing a tweet or facebook status about the horrible thing the parent is doing.

Online baby groups for example: you rage and yell at someone at how horrible they are when they make a post about doing something... but what are the chances that you would say it to the person directly? Not a lot would.

So tonight I fed Luke an oreo after he refused item after item of food that he normally loves to eat because he has both his upper molars coming in and he barely napped. So I caved to get him to be quiet for 30 seconds while I beat my head through a wall. Then he was also happy for the following 5 minutes and not screaming. It. Was. Amazing.

You fed your child organically grown grass and goat milk. Or something equally gross. I'm not going to give you that look and be all "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

But I'm sure you'd love to give me a lecture on how horrible I am and how my child is going to grow up to be obese and diabetic or something.

I'm tired and cranky. I'm going to go eat my pizza, and find a good book to read in bed.

Daycare and their costs

So there is a repeating sentence going through my mommy groups: "Well, if you can't afford daycare the obvious choice is to get a second job to cover the costs"

This is costs from a daycare in my area (and I'm only putting in the weekly rates, not the daily ones):

Infants/Toddlers: $267.50
Two: $227.50
Two 1/2: $215.00
Three and Up: $200.00

Kindergarten (M.F. 4k Program)
Before or After 1/2 Day: $155.00
Before & After 1/2 Day: $175.00

School Age (full day)
Before or After: $41.25
Before and After: $82.50

Now here's why this statement of "getting another job to provide daycare" bugs me. Especially as a full time working mom, and my husband works full time, we CANNOT afford daycare. We are lucky my sister in law is a stay at home mom, and for the first year, babysat for free 3 days a week. And now we pay $30 a week. That's $237.50 LESS then what we would be paying at this place!

So... I work 38 hours a week. Give or take a few either way. I get paid, and I will say it, $14.19 an hour (starting this week! before that it was $13.91). I get a paycheck every Friday. They are all roughly $400. My husband makes, like, $10 an hour. I think $9.80ish. He works 38-40 hours a week. He gets paid every other Thursday. His checks are roughly $700.

 So in a month we bring home around $3000. We would have to pay $1070 a month in daycare costs. We are also not in a good financial place, because I got stuck with wedding costs (2 1/2 years ago now) that we had to throw last minute on my credit card, and we have lots of other bills on top of all of that. Like my insanely outrageous medical bills from having a baby.

To put it nicely: I have a crap ton of debt. Plus bills. Plus groceries and gas for a SUV with a 20 mile commute each way for work.

Really, we are living paycheck to paycheck. Right now we have about $80 left in our checking account... until Thursday. So we have to skip grocery shopping again tomorrow (2 weeks in a row!) and go on Saturday instead.

So yes, we cannot afford daycare. At all.

So now onto the getting another job thing so, as I was once told when this came up in one of my groups, I should get a second job because I'm mooching off of my relatives for babysitting (they volunteered, by the way). My schedule:

Sunday 9-5
Monday off
Tuesday 7-3
Wednesday 8-4
Thursday 7-1
Friday 7-3
Saturday off

Hubby's schedule: (his changes more then mine but I'm putting down a normal)

Sunday 1-9
Monday off
Tuesday 9-5
Wednesday off
Thursday 9-5
Friday 9-5 week 1, 1-9 week 2
Saturday: 1 to 9

Luke's bedtime is 8pm. Every. Single. Night. This will not change. I believe in structure.

Now, I am usually gone before Luke gets up in the mornings. He usually gets up around 730. So hubby takes him to the sitter, and I pick him up.

Now if I got a second job, and left Luke at the sitter all day long until my hubby picked him up... please tell me this: WHEN WOULD I SEE MY CHILD?

Plus also, here's another fun catch: we work retail. That includes weekends. Daycares are not open on weekends. So I would need to pay for daycare during the week and a sitter on the weekends? No thank you.

Plus, please tell me what little minimum wage part time job is actually going to cover that cost? Plus probable driving. Awesome. More gas costs. Since  14 gallons a week at $4.19 a gallon really isn't enough already.

Also, if I had a second job, and all this debt sitting around me... what part of me wants to basically throw that money away instantly, when I could instead throw it at the DEBT? None. That's what part.

I'm also tired enough dealing with a kid and housework and working one job. I do not have the strength to do a second job. Nothing would get done, and I would let my baby sit on the couch watching who knows what eating crackers while I took a quick nap on the comfy hardwood floor, because at that point it would be amazing. Screw the park, zoo, museum, etc. I'm. Taking. A. Nap.

Now, every time this "line" comes out, it's from a stay at home mom. And we all know where my feelings there lie. Really, I already work two jobs. I don't need a third. I'd probably jump off my balcony in the hopes of a broken leg so I could call in sick.

I realize I've rambled entirely. My day has been hectic. Working, baby that took an hour long nap so is even klutzier then normal and ends up getting a cut by his eye that will probably develop into a full blown black eye, and a fat lip. I felt horrible and gave him a brownie, curled up to watch Lion King in mommy and daddy's big bed, and when he got up off the pillow and came and cuddled on my chest, the world was right.

I hope I got my point across. Basically: getting a second job for babysitting... not a smart idea. Just annoying.

My decision

I've decided that I will be using this as more of a vent/topic station then writing about my life. I mean, let's face it, working and playing with a baby is only so interesting for so long. Like... 2 seconds long. So instead, I will pick a topic, as I did last night... and give my opinions on it.

Tonight is Working in Retail night!

So I can go on and on forever about how the god awful things that exist in a retail job. I work in a grocery store and the things people do can be amazing! Lets make a list shall we?

1) When you go to the bathroom, flush. ESPECIALLY if you had a very disgusting dinner last night. There is nothing I hate more then walking into the bathroom and discovering poop everywhere in the toilet. Do you honestly do that at home?

2) Do not decide you are going to buy the frozen chicken, and then later on in the store change your mind and put it behind the deodorant. That's just disgusting. I'm going to come hide frozen chicken in that cabinet above the stove that you never seem to go in and see how much you like it.

3) Here's the things about the registers: the actual people working in the store have about a .02% power over the amount of hours they can schedule for the entire week. So... my store is open every day 6am until 11pm. The front end (which is the cashiers, liquor cashier if there is one, service desk, CSR (person who has to oversee the front for the day), and baggers) has roughly 60 people. We get about 1500 hours to schedule. That sounds like a lot seeing as we are only open 119 hours a week, right? Well, say half of them are full time. That means a minimum of 35 hours a week has to go to 30 people. That's 1050 hours. So the other 30 people have to be kept under that 450 hours left over. Okay? So a lot of people get only 10-12 hours a week. This all has to be spread out to cover the busy days. We have two days a week that are double coupon days. So obviously it makes sense those days will be covered more then others, since their will be more people shopping. So on a Monday at 1pm, when it is normally dead, and suddenly.. OOPS! SNOW STORM! We get lines coming out our two open registers half way down the aisles. And guess what? NOT EVERYONE IN THE BLOODY STORE KNOWS HOW TO CASHIER! Shocking? I know! How dare they think anything else is as important as making sure you get out 3 minutes faster. Let me tell you... if you didn't keep complaining so much, you probably would have been home by now. Oh, and then on a Saturday afternoon... 3 teenagers "called in sick". And everyone that they called to try and replace those hours are unable to work. What should we do? Hire someone new?!

4) I work in the aisles. In the Health and Beauty department to be exact. So no, while I am stocking lotion, I cannot tell you which bacon has the smokiest flavor. I have no idea what so ever. Ask the guy stocking the damn stuff.

5) I used to work in frozen so I have to say this: Chicken is a meat. So, once again, ask the guy in the MEAT section. Stop arguing with me and telling me it is frozen so therefore it is a frozen item and I know about it.

6) When a person is stocking somewhere, it does not give you the right to come stick your hands in front of their face. Or push their stuff out of the way.

7) You know that rule at a restaurant about not messing with the people who handle your food? Don't you think that would be a wise decision in a grocery store too? We do at least have a produce section.

8) Most people working in a grocery store, and a lot of other retail stores too, are carrying a very sharp box cutter. Remember that the next time you stick your hand in front of a person because you aren't capable of waiting 10 more seconds.

9) We do not know where every little tiny thing is in the store. And we especially do not know where "you know, that flour type thing, but it's not stocked with the flour. It's in a purple box and it looks kind of like rice" is. And do not get huffy when I look at you like you are a retard.

10) Common sense is a gift. And if you have never worked retail, it's highly likely you don't have any. So try and find some.

11) Those of us that do work retail... we are not below you. We are not your bitch. You do not have the right to treat us like that. Or one day... that apple you bite into just may have accidentally fallen into the spilled bleach earlier that day. Oops.

This is how distracted I can get

I end up not posting for awhile, because I get caught up in everything else.

Plus I'm just so tired by the time Ook goes to bed, that all I want to do is sit on the couch and relax.

I want to rant here. Because suddenly it's popping up everywhere again... the whole stay home moms vs working moms.

Let me start off by saying... I have great respect for moms in general. Being a mom is not an easy job.

But I'm starting to hit a stand point where I think stay at home moms have it a little easier then working moms. Why?

For one simple reason:

They get to be home all day. Yes, there are things to do. Places to go.

But working oms have to do all of that AND work 40 hours a week. Well, unless they are part time. That's different. But they still spend some hours out of the house.

So... I work. This part depends on the job too... but I work in a completely physical job. I pull, push, lift, move, haul, etc. I pull 300lb + pallets at a time. I lift things over my head constantly. I am physically exhausted by the time I get home.

And then I have a baby to take care of. A baby to feed, bathe, entertain, and just spend time with. And all I want to do is sit down for 10 minutes and eat, because I don't have the opportunity to take any breaks at work because I run a department all by myself. Literally. There is not a single other person in my department anymore. Because they have cut my hours that bad. And I cannot let things slide. I have deadlines.

A stay at home mom, she has things to do, but if she vacuums the stairs tomorrow instead, she isn't going to get fired. Is she?

So, I come home, and on top of all of the baby stuff, I also have to clean. I have to vacuum, sweep, mop, do dishes, laundry, and general pick up. Whatever else I'm forgetting.

And I'm sure as Luke gets older, I'll have other things. I don't know... soccer, karate. Another baby. By the end of the night, I am tired. I haven't stopped really moving, unless I decide one day that I'm going to forget that there is food dried onto the kitchen floor and sit down during nap time... if I'm home for it.

On my days off, I get more accomplished, and get to relax and even enjoy time with Luke.

A couple weeks ago when I was on vacation for the week, I actually didn't lose my cool with him more then a handful of times. I was ten hundred times less stressed.

I am really tired of hearing that stay home moms have it so much harder because they don't get adult interaction, and they only have kids to talk to, etc etc.

That is a personal choice. Yes, the day is hectic, yes, there is things to do. But you know what? I know that every single stay at home mom in my life (not really including my march moms since I can't say what they do from personal experience) sit down for a couple hours every day, and watch a movie with the kids, or lay down and take a nap during their nap time. It is very possible that a phone call could be made in that time period. Or better yet, there are playgroups EVERYWHERE. They aren't just for kids! Other adults tend to go too.

So I've decided I'm hopping the fence. I think working moms have it harder then stay at home moms. I am not saying stay at home moms sit around doing nothing. They are busy, they have things to do. But you don't have to add on the extra hours out of the house. There is more time to stretch things out, and unless you have some kind of crazy control freak husband, which means GET THE F*CK OUT, you can take your time and let the dishes sit an extra few hours.

I'm beyond stressed from trying to tackle it all. I want to come home and not have a whole other job to do. I don't want my "me" time to be the 10 minutes when I drive to my moms to switch laundry loads.

So now, I'm sure if someone reads this, it may blow up in my face, but I frankly don't care. I needed to vent somewhere.

I will never think stay at home moms do nothing. They are amazing.

But so are working moms, and when they have to come home and do a "stay at home mom job" too, it makes them a little bit stronger, in my honest opinion.

Now I'm going to go shower and sleep so that I can start over again tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!

One year ago I was laying in a hospital bed going "oh my god I can't believe I have a newborn!"

Now I'm sitting here going "Oh my god I can't believe I have a one year old!"

This past year has flown by.

Chris wants another baby. Very much. I do too, of course. But we just can't afford it right now. That makes me sad. I really wish we could start sooner rather then later, but we need to be smart about it and be able to feed another child. We are hoping next summer we'll be able to start.

I'm part of facebook groups that are a bunch of "march" moms. In the past week or so, things have gone down like crazy. Fights, hate, etc. It's just been so very crazy!! I guess putting a bunch of women in one place is just asking for a war eventually.

It's really very untrue that women could rule the world and their would be peace. Because the claws would come out so quickly! Especially if children are involved somehow.

I'm so tired. I have vacation all next week! Just have to work tomorrow, and then I am off 8 whole days! YAY! And I need to use that time to finish my Secret Sister's babies birthday gift. I'm lucky I got one with a late birthday.

Anyway, not much to report right now. My brain is too fuzzy to think.

One day at a time

I only have a few minutes, because I need to go wake up Luke but just a quick update...

I've been so, tired, lately. Exhausted. Depressed.

I'm sure it would do me good to go back to seeing someone, but at the same time, I just don't feel like I can connect to anyone that isn't my old therapist from high school. And of course, she's retired.

But I still have prozac, so I decided to take that again until I'm all out. I think I have about 20 pills. Maybe it will do enough to get me up there.

I want to do Luke's 1 year pictures soon. I was thinking of today, but it's all snowy out and the lighting in here is awful without sunlight.

I should have napped with Luke. Ah well. Too late now, lol. I'll probably go to bed early, day off tomorrow. Woo. 

So sad

Precious, wonderful, amazing baby Carter has passed away today.

From his mommy:
"I've been trying to think of what to write, but nothing makes sense to me right now and the words just can't come together to describe what I am feeling right now. Thank you everyone for you amazing support, we cannot thank you enough.
And to my Carter
I love you more than I can express, and I miss you so much already. My arms are aching to hold you once more, I feel so lost without you. My dush, my professor, my boy. You are so amazingly strong, and had every right to be tired. You are a brave hero and you are able to sleep peacefully now, and being pain free is helping mommy and daddy so much.
Until we meet again my dear boy. I love you forever and for always"

I'm so sad. And so blessed to have such a healthy, wonderful little boy. 

We are releasing balloons on his birthday, March 19th, at 5:36pm. Join us. He deserves to be remembered.

People are just rude

Chris and I had a good friend.

And she just cut her out of her life today without even a small, little explanation.

What the hell is up with that?

Frankly, it just pisses me off. Part of me is a little relieved, because I was feeling anxious sometimes around her, but still. It's just unfair. I feel bad for Chris. I basically forced his hand into him not being able to talk to the other girl, and now this happens to him? He was just saying how there's this bowling league at work, but he doesn't know if he really wants to put all kinds of effort into that. But maybe I can convince him. It might be good for him to go relax one night a week.

We bought a new mattress earlier this week, and just received it today! I'm so excited to sleep on it! It's so much fluffier then our last plank of effing wood! I can hear it calling it to me now as I sit and type this. If I didn't have Luke, the chances of me getting up and out of that thing would be slim. Very, very slim.

Speaking of Luke... something is wrong with his eye and it is pissing me off to no end. The doctor had said to make an appointment at the end of the week if it wasn't 100% better. But it was! For apparently a DAY! It's all back and shit now and it's not cool. So I have to call on Monday and make one. I better get him in immediately to or I shall scream. Ugh.

Now however, it is time to go feed Luke his bedtime bottle, make some popcorn, and snuggle up in our new mattress and watch a movie. Normally we would sit in the living room and watch Battlestar Galactica, but why the hell would we ignore our new mattress?! That's just crazy talk.

Goodnight good people.

Heartbreaking

Carter was found to have tumors wrapped around his spine. It's so sad. Everyone decided to put the projects of cards and such on hold for now, to give space. He may not make it this time. In order to get chemo, he needs to recover from the brain surgery, and he may not last long enough for that. But the updates we are seeing, he seems to be okay.

 

In news of my life, things are going well. I just put down a deposit on the hall tonight for Luke's (and Jordans and Abbys) birthday party. I can't believe my baby will be a year old. So far I feel completely alone in planning this. It doesn't really fully surprise me, but it's irritating. 

I have a headache. This stupid Mirena I got isn't making my periods go away. They are lighter, yes, but I get horrible headaches and cramps now. 

Time to get back to life.

Tragedies

When I got pregnant with Luke I joined a birth club on babycenter. It was awesome to go through my pregnancy with people due in the same month and get to know them.

A few weeks after they were born, we started a facebook group for March mommies. And eventually that split into several smaller groups. I am now apart of more then I can count. But I got closer to a lot of people. Just recently got one phone number, and that's nice too. :)

But one of the mommies, her sweet, sweet baby boy was diagnosed Acute Myeloid Leukemia. It is a fairly rare cancer, and generally found in adults. Very rare below age 40, and usually around age 60.

He was diagnosed around 3 months of age.

After undergoing 5 rounds of chemo, and basically living in the hospital for 7 months, baby Carter was released to go home, in remission, right before Christmas! How happy is that?

Two nights ago, they took him to the hospital because he was having some problems. After some tests they discovered a tumor covering 1/4 of his brain! He went into surgery that lasted about 6 hours, and they were able to remove a good chunk of it.

This morning, he was able to breathe on his own again, and was cuddling up to his giraffe. That just warms my heart. I have been following this sweet, sweet baby through this, and it's horrible. No one deserves that. His mom is so wonderful, and so strong. And Carter is a fighter! He smiled his way through fighting Leukemia, and I know he'll fight through this too!

A whole bunch of us are putting things together for them. Birthday cards, a teddy bear, etc. I'm so excited. I feel like crying in happiness in the support we have for this.

Another tragedy from another mommy has occured. It appears her boyfriend shook her sweet little girl so hard as to cause retina swelling and damage. We don't know how well she's fairing at this time. It's absolutely awful. Then it appears she was lying and covering it up! And they are both still sticking to saying she fell off the bed! But there is NO WAY the injuries in those pictures is from falling off the bed! (Of which she looks MISERABLE in!)

It makes me sick that Megan, Carter's mom, is by her child's hospital bedside more then she has him at home, and this person can let such harm come to her child. It makes me sick.

My brain is going crazy now, trying to organize everything for Carter. PLUS I'm cross-stitching a piece that has two hearts and his name on it.

Luke's crying. Bedtime bottle time! Goodnight!

Application

I applied for a new job. It's at Chris' work, sort of. A different location. But it would be a better position then I'm in now, and a better company to work for.

I went to Roni's for Gracelynn's birthday party tonight. It wasn't that bad. My dad and Nancy (soon to be stepmother) gave me my birthday present which was a lunch box and a first aid kit. It's nice. Then I asked them about borrowing some money so I could buy Luke cloth diapers so we can save on diaper spending.

They gave me $120!

The diapers I like are about $16 per cover, and then $3 for an insert. You can literally use one cover for an entire day, and you just keep changing the insert. So if I buy 4 or 5 covers, and then a ton of inserts, and I should easily be able to keep him in cloth at least on my two days off every week.

Chris had a talk with his boss the other night about what he wanted with his future, and he talked about meat cutting.

Within the next 6 months he has a VERY good chance at being one.

It makes me happy to think we may have a good future soon.

Other then that, I don't have much to talk about right now.

Overall, I'm in a good mood. We are getting a good amount back for taxes, and are going to be able to be able to get my $4300 credit card down to only about $800! YAY!!! I'm excited, so far, 2012 isn't so bad. Let's hope that lasts.

Trusting

If there is, for some odd reason, some person out there reading this, this entry may cause you to think I'm a little nuts. That's okay with me though. I accepted my crazyness many moons ago.

So every once in awhile, I get this weird feeling, like somethings going to... happen, that day. Best examples: every single time I have gotten pulled over by a cop, I have woken up with this feeling. It's just a feeling down in the bottom of my gut that eats at me. Just a "something is off" feeling.

This also happened a few weeks ago on a morning I left for work and Chris was home. I won't go into details about any of it, just in case someone that shouldn't read it comes across this somehow. But I woke up and left for work that morning with this feeling sitting there, and I got home to discover something bad.

Do I completely, and 100% trust my husband right now? No, it's probably more of an 85%. There has just been too many things, one after another, for that to be sitting at a full bar. Are we working on it? Yes.

Now I'm saying this because that feeling was there again today, and while nothing BAD happened, like the last time, there was still a feeling of secrecy there. It ended up being nothing. I wish I could go into more details, but that's truly and honestly not an option. I just wanted to state that this feeling throws me through a loop, and I don't like it.

And this is why I didn't really like the situation with her. That feeling was constantly, always there. I wanted to rip out my stomach and make it go away. It's not like I'm sitting here saying I'm some kind of weird psychic or something. I'd probably hate my life if that were true. But I just hate having a feeling randomly. There's been false alarms, and sometimes I work it up into more then it is.

But I just really do not like secrets being kept from me because of this. I sit there all day feeling out of sorts, and then I come home to Chris, and I can obviously tell he isn't telling me something, because he plain old sucks at lying, it BUGS me. It makes me out of my mind CRAZY. He tells me he doesn't think I can handle an open, honest relationship, because I can't handle some of the things he thinks. THAT makes me nervous.

I know he is restless, and I hope it's something that's going to pass soon enough. I just need to sit back and wait. Life is so much better since she isn't in the picture anymore. It's been, what, just short of a month, and we haven't fought or gotten angry AT ALL. Where as when we were dealing with her we came close to separating several times.

I have so much pent up crap about that whole situation. I don't want to get into it too much though, and bore anyone. It may come out sometimes though.

I might as well go get some sleep now. Work at 7 in the morning, and I just plain don't want to.

Oh, I live only for the day that I can quit this hell of a job.

Goodnight.

Respect

I just want to start off by saying that I am entirely and utterly grateful to Carrie and Michelle for how much they babysit for me. Entirely. I don't know how we could survive without them. We didn't entirely think through the daycare situation when I got pregnant. And they are saviors.

But he is MY child, right? I do get to make a couple decisions when it comes to him. And I'm not bitchy about it, I don't think so at least. I let them have pretty free reign when he's with them.

Tonight Chris took me out for my birthday. We went to dinner, and then drove around talking, something we haven't done together in ages. Carrie was asked to watch Luke, and please have him home and in bed at 8. That is his bedtime. It has never changed since he was 4 months old. It works perfectly for him. And I love it.

Then we get home just before 8, figuring Carrie would be here with him. Nope. I call. She's at RONI'S out in HARTFORD. That's 20+ minutes away. So I'm told she'll have him home soon. An hour later, they walk in the door. UH!

Chris is going to make sure he's up by 8 as usual in the morning, so he doesn't get thrown off.

The only other thing that has ever bugged me is them turning his car seat forward. He is supposed to be rear facing until he's at least a year, and I want him backwards until at least two, preferably. Depending on his whether or not he outgrows the seat before then. But he's still got a good amount of time before he hits the height limits.

But anyway, my point is. I want a couple of holds. I want to be in control of his life somehow.

Life would be nice if I could be a stay at home mom. In a perfect world....

Happy Birthday!

So it's my birthday. It's been so uneventful. Not that it matters. I had to work this morning. Then I spent the rest of the night with Carrie and Josh eating pizza.

Chris has to work until 9, which is in 10 minutes. Then, eventually, when he gets done showering and such, we shall cuddle up on the couch and watch Battlestar Galactica. Which I guess isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

So apparently Chris has some kind of thing planned for tomorrow as my birthday thing. I'm very curious as to what it is, but at least it's finally tomorrow instead of two weeks ago! It's been bugging me for ages now.

I get distracted easily by watching TV. So this entry has now taken me about a half hour, lol.

When I was putting Luke down for bed, I had so much on my mind I wanted to write about but it is all completely missing from my head now. That tends to happens too.

So I'm going to talk about being a mommy some more! I never thought any of this was possible. I won't let him cry it out, I co-sleep, and I roll around on the floor blowing raspberries at him. I love being a mommy and I hate it sometimes. I miss sleeping in, but I love it when I wake up with his smiling face.

Work isn't so bad lately. That's nice. I just haven't wanted to be there lately. I can't wait for Chris to get a meat cutting position and double his income. Then I get to stay home. Or at least be part time. Either one is preferred.

Okay, off to watch and eat popcorn.

Goodnight!

Welcome

I had an opendiary for years. It still exists. I decided I wanted to write again, but going back to that just seemed... weird. I needed some where fresh, new. I go onto my OD and it's just... high school drama everywhere. It felt weird to try and continue my life there. So here I am instead.
So I guess I should start with an "about me"
I'm going to be 24 in two days (the 29th). I'm married to Chris who will be turning 26 at the end of March. We just had our joyful baby boy on March 8th, 2011. His name is Lukas Jacob, but we call him Ook for short.
Well, usually Chris calls him Stinky. And I call him Bubba.
He just started walking a couple weeks ago! I couldn't be more proud of him. He looks like a little robot! No joke. Straight legs, and arms tucked in tight at 90 degree angles.
Anyway. To continue the story: I have 4 siblings, and I am right in the middle of all of them. In order there is Keith, who is married to Michelle. They have 3 children. Well, technically 2. The oldest, Sandra, is Michelle's. She's 9. Then Keith and Michelle have Logan (6) and Abby (4).
Then follows Roni, married to Mike. She has a boy named Jordan from a previous boyfriend. Mike has a daughter named Evelyn from a previous girlfriend. Both of them are also 9. Then there is Aadyn, who is also 6. (Logan and Aadyn were born 11 days apart!). Finally there is Gracelynn, who is going to be 2 tomorrow!
Then there's me.
Then there's Carrie, and she's dating Josh. They have a nice age difference. She's 20 and he's 29. It's not a problem. Only weird thing was when they started dating and she was 15 and he was 24.
Then finally there is Brian. He finally turned 18, so my mom is technically done raising children. He's dating Vanessa, and they've been together now for 2 years! Who would have thought?!
I have to bring them up in here, because we are a close family. There's a very good chance I'll bring them up a lot. I mean, I see them all at least once a week. 

So more towards me now. I am a "health, beauty, and general merchandise" manager for Wisconsin's largest grocery chain, Roundys. I work at a Pick n Save in Sussex currently, and, well, I basically hate my job. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm GOOD at my job, but I am not happy there. It pays the bills. Barely. But we are making it.
Chris works at a "competing" grocery chain as a meat clerk. He's training to be a butcher, and if he gets a position, he will more then DOUBLE his income. Once that happens, we are hoping for me to go part time at work, so that I can be home more with Luke. Yay!

My ultimate goal is to be a professional photographer. I'm slowly building a portfolio. I'm sure once I can get my name out there more, it won't be so hard.

Anyway. My life is fairly, weird. I could probably ramble on for ages about the stuff that's been going on with us lately.

Chris and I had a rough spot lately. They always say the first year with a baby is the roughest on a relationship. But stuff just got ADDED to it.

Luke hasn't been stressing us out. He's a simple kid. Rarely cries. Loves to play and smile. He's a joy 90% of the time. Of course he has his moments!

But we got stressed over a GIRL. Yes, a GIRL. So, he started this job he's at in August. Met this girl that works there. Not that that's normally a problem. I've always known he talks to girls better the guys. I talk to guys better then girls.
But they started talking. And talking. And TALKING. Every day, all day. About EVERYTHING. If it got quiet, they had to start talking about something random.
And then they started talking sex.
With each other.
And I got angry.
I asked them both to stop. BOTH. Not just him.
It didn't.
Now it did. They aren't talking at all anymore. 

But now I'm not going to go into it right now. Maybe another day. Right now I'm in a good mood. Thinking about her just makes me angry. >.<

I'm going to stop for tonight. I think I wrote more then enough to start. Now it's time to get ready to snuggle with my darling husband, and try and trick him into telling me what his plan is for my birthday thing on Monday.